Why Does It Always Rain On Me?
by SteneMichele
Summary: My first songfic of Bella's first night after Edward leaves in New Moon. Angst, much?


_Cant sleep tonight  
Everybody saying everythings alright  
Still I cant close my eyes  
I__'m seeing a tunnel at the end of all these lights_

I heard Charlie's footsteps at the end of the hall, heavy and deliberate as if he was warning me that he was coming. This was a ritual; if he sensed that I was awake, he would give me the head's up so that I would be able to feign slumber. It was much easier that way. Neither one of us would have to admit the truth, and we would both be exempt from a middle-of-the-night discussion on my current state.

_Why does it always rain on me?_

_Is it because I died when I was seventeen?_

I had become quite the talented actress lately. I could pretend to be sleeping, pretend to be happy, pretend to laugh. It was the second one, however, that I found the most difficult. It could be quite trying at times, too. Whenever Rene called, I always sensed that she knew something more than I was letting on. Unlike Charlie, she picked up on the hoarseness in my voice that was the result of my sleepless nights.

_  
Sunny days  
Where have you gone?  
I get the strangest feeling you belong  
Why does it always rain on me?  
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?  
_

The door creaked open, emitting an eerie noise that echoed around the otherwise silent house. I stiffened, squeezing my eyes shut and stifling my sobs. That short time that he was there was unbearable. It was as if I was inviting somebody else into my mind-blowing mind, masking every thought that I had with a black canvas. Gritting my teeth, I counted down from ten. Charlie always stood in my doorway for this amount of time, leaning against the door frame and grimacing whenever I let one of my sobs escape. He never mentioned it come the morning, but he knew. He knew everything but my thoughts.

_Why does it always rain on me?  
Even when the sun is shining  
I cant avoid the lightning  
I cant stand myself  
Im being held up by invisible men  
Still life on a shelf when  
I got my mind on something else_

The door shut quietly, and I heard Charlie stumble back to his bedroom. Whenever I saw the pain in his eyes, I solemnly vowed that I would never have children. Why did people have children in the first place? Especially two people like Rene and Charlie. Clearly, their chromosomes did not blend well; after all, they had _me. _Then again, having children was not even a remote possibility; the one person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with was thoroughly infertile. _No, Bella,_ I hissed to myself, _You can't think like that. _But I could. I could, would and _had to _think like that. These thoughts were killing me, yet they were my escape. They reminded me that he _had _existed. He _had _laid in this bed, sending electric currents up my spine every time that he brushed his hand across my cheek. _Yes, Bella_, I thought silently, _He was here.  
_

_  
Why does it always rain on me?  
Even when the sun is shining  
I cant avoid the lightning  
Oh, where did the blue skies go?  
And why is it raining so?_

My eyes flickered open as I inhaled sharply. He was here right now. I could feel him. I could feel his frozen hand on my own, his thumb making circular motions in my palm.

"_Isabella," _he whispered, and his voice broke the silence of my lonely winter. He was no longer a memory. He did exist. And thus, _I did exist._ _  
_

_And you're right there__  
Everybody saying everythings alright  
But they're wrong  
It's only alright when you're here_

"You're here," I whispered, stating the obvious. In my subconscious state,

saying it aloud made it real. And it was real. He was real. He always had been.

"I am here," Edward confirmed, and those three words sounded like a perfectly arranged symphony. It was true. He was here. Sending tremors through my body, my dormant heart pounded. The past three months were erased completely. I was back- _he was here. _I could say the words over and over again. They were like winning lottery numbers, though a billion dollars did not do him justice.

_I repeat myself again  
Because the first time I wasn't breathing_

_This is wrong but it feels so damn right_

_And it'll catch up with me in the morning_

_But who needs to make sense of it all?_

I resisted the urge to let out a cry. I was dreaming. I would open my eyes any second and he would be gone. His voice would have never filled the hollow room. He would vanish like he did every morning, just as dawn broke. I felt suspended, like I had been hurled from a skyscraper and frozen two feet above the ground. And I would lay there as the weight of another day beat down on me, hammering me until I was no more than a thin layer of skin with overbearing eyes and unbearable thoughts.

_Sunny days  
Where have you gone?  
I get the strangest feeling you belong  
__Why does it always rain on me?  
Why does it always rain on me?  
Why does it always rain on me?  
_

My eyes flickered open as the first beam of morning sun appeared on my walls. It was morning again. I slid the covers off of my trembling body and I swung my weak legs over the edge of the bed.

_Why does it always rain on me? _

I could hear Charlie starting the coffee machine. To an onlooker, we would look normal. A father and his functioning teenage daughter. But we were not. I would struggle through the day, with my arms folded over my chest so that I wouldn't fall to pieces. To a bystander, I would look content. But they didn't know. They didn't know what he had done to me.

_It always rains on me._


End file.
